We live in a culture that requires lots of challenging conversations. As an educator with over 25 years of experience, I’ve seen this issue arise time and again. It surfaces when our students ask provocative questions, when colleagues make shocking statements, or when current events spark intense debates. Often, our instinct is to avoid these conversations, putting students off or sidestepping contentious issues with our peers. Attempting not to engage in these conversations is completely understandable; but in the long term, it is likely more harmful to ourselves, our colleagues, and our students.
The Myth of Neutrality
One of the reasons we often try to keep these conversations from happening, I believe, is that many educators think we must stay nonpolitical. Unfortunately, that is impossible. Teachers and teaching are inherently political. Not doing something sends a message just as clearly as doing it does. Not talking about Veterans Day is as much a political statement as discussing it. Putting off a student who asks about a famous person using an offensive slur, rather than talking with them about it, makes a statement. When we don’t discuss an issue, especially if a student asks about it, we’re telling them there is something wrong with that issue or with even mentioning it.
When we don’t discuss an issue, we’re telling students there is something wrong with that issue or with even mentioning it.
In one experiment, psychology professors demonstrated the effects of this avoidance on children’s behavior and attitudes through a modified version of the game Guess Who. In this version, about half of the faces were white and the other half were Black. Young children readily asked questions about race to narrow down their choices, but older children (around 4th or 5th grade) avoided such questions, suggesting they had internalized the idea that discussing race is taboo. This avoidance illustrates how not talking about an issue isn’t neutral; it teaches children that the topic is inappropriate or off-limits. When children stop asking questions about challenging topics, they lose opportunities to gain new perspectives and learn more deeply. Instead, they may rely solely on information from social media or peers if they don’t feel comfortable approaching adults. As a colleague once told me, all classrooms are constructivist classrooms; children simply may not always be constructing the knowledge we believe we are teaching.
Preparing for Difficult Dialogues
We also often avoid these conversations because we don’t know how to respond in a way that will be helpful, thoughtful, and meaningful. That is also not surprising. In my 25-year career, I’ve never attended a professional development session that taught me how to engage in challenging conversations with students and colleagues. No preservice teacher I’ve talked to has learned this in their coursework either. It seems to be something we’re just expected to know how to do—a big ask indeed.
Recognizing this need to be prepared for challenging conversations with students and colleagues is the first step. There are some specific strategies we can try so we’re ready when the moment comes.
1. Stay informed.
First, it can help to be aware of challenging topics that may arise by keeping up with local and national news, both serious and “gossipy.” I do this by:
- Listening to National Public Radio on my daily commute.
- Following reliable news sources on social media.
- Talking with my young adult children who keep me informed about pop culture.
Being aware of the events and ideas that my students may be exposed to either directly or by their families and peers puts me in a better position to respond to their questions when they arise. A question for which I have no background knowledge is much harder to discuss in a meaningful way.
2. Practice engaging in challenging discussions.
I talk with my husband and our young adult children about things I’m hearing and reading in the news. While we often agree, we also have different perspectives, and these conversations help me think about how I might discuss difficult topics with students or colleagues.
I also note the way others talk about these topics on social media, both the ways I want to imitate and the ways I want to avoid. Again, a challenging topic of conversation is going to be difficult to engage in no matter what, so taking some time to think about possible responses can make it a tad bit easier.
3. Lead with curiosity.
This strategy is challenging for me because I love to talk, but it works exceptionally well, especially with colleagues and peers. I try to always maintain a spirit of curiosity. This means I ask more questions than I make statements. Instead of taking a stand, I wonder aloud with questions like, “What does that make you think?” or “What else do you know about that?” I also make noncommittal sounds and statements, such as, “Hmm . . . yes, that’s really interesting.”
I don’t view these as “teachable moments” because I’m typically not prepared to teach. Instead, learning happens on both sides because I remain curious, ask questions, and don’t try to impart wisdom. This approach works well with both students and colleagues, allowing for judgment-free exploration of issues.
Engaging in conversations pushes me to clarify my thoughts and offers new perspectives to consider.
This curiosity-driven approach is particularly valuable when unexpected topics arise. Rather than feeling pressured to have all the answers, I lean into my curiosity to navigate these situations. Engaging in conversations pushes me to clarify my thoughts and offers new perspectives to consider. By staying curious, we create a space for exploring challenging topics together, even when we haven’t prepared for them in advance. These conversations have tremendous power for anyone who enters into them with an open mind, often allowing us to refine our opinions through discussion.
Embracing the Challenge
Challenging conversations are like many aspects of our jobs as educators—we can be more successful when we’re prepared. Of course, it’s impossible to be completely ready for everything. Our students can always throw a wrench in our plans or flip a lesson on its head. That’s part of the joy and the challenge! But just as we invest time and energy in preparing our lessons and our work with students, we can do the same for challenging conversations. This preparation can result in deeper and wider learning, not just for our students but for ourselves and our colleagues as well.
Demystifying Discussion
Jennifer Orr offers elementary school educators strategies for teaching K-5 learners to engage in student-led academic conversations.
